Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Tomorrow Night!

Hey everyone!

(I haven't totally abandoned ze blog. I'll be back soon)

I'm playing a couple songs tomorrow night with my bfff Brett at the Stonewall Inn for a friend's benefit. It should be lots of fun.

Here's the facebook link!

Wednesday, June 30, 2010


Found this model/girl from LA and her blog. COCAINE BRUNCH? And seriously could she have an uglier mouth? Its like a half developed fish's mouth.

well, I feel better now.

Monday, June 28, 2010

it happens.

So I had a little get together on Friday and decided to drink. I wanted to celebrate my new apartment and new awesome roommate aaand drink. I had a blast and felt pretty ok in the morning. But then Saturday I drank a bottle of wine and yesterday way too much vodka and puking when I should have been watching "Good Morning Vietnam".

I'm going back to not drinking, I liked it better.

Oh boy.

May I also add that this weekend was hormonally challenging for me and especially because of the full moon because my mom said so.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Day Fourteen and Fifteen


So sore. Super tired. Still sober.

Would really love my boobs touched right now.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Day Thirteen

Just about two weeks of sober. I'm moving tomorrow and having funny feelings about the last night in this apartment. I'm really excited to move and I'm not moving that far away but it's still funny.

I guess there's an amount of reflection that bubbles up without you knowing or wanting it to on occasions like this. I've been here three years. What was I like three years ago?

Remember that time it was four in the morning and you were sweeping up heaps of broken glass out side of your apartment door with a seventeen year old who had just escorted you to the local precinct to pick up your keys? Remember that time you practically had sex in the stairwell with your ex boyfriend? Remember when you brought your cat home? Remember when you brought your SECOND cat home? (in a cardboard box cause someone left him outside in winter!) REMEMBER WHEN YOU BROUGHT A PIGEON WITH A BROKEN LEG HOME? Remember when you stayed up all night doing drugs before graduation and it made graduation the most painful day of your life? Remember when you went to Berlin and all you did is drink and it was right after graduation and you were so CONFUSED? Remember how even with all the christmas lights you still weren't able to carve out one itsy corner in your room that felt safe and like home?

This is too much remembering.


I am pre menstruating and cannot be held liable for whatever dramatics are spewed out in this post or any further post for the next week. Thank you.

Well, it will be so nice to be in the new apartment, it's larger and brighter and has higher ceilings and huge tall closets and I have a loving roommate and together we will carve and carve till we find an eensy bit of home. And once I start drinking again my friends will like me.


Monday, June 21, 2010

Day Twelve

Dear Blog,


Don't worry though it's actually not as hard as all those capitals letters made it sound in your head.

While packing I uncovered this little sexy flask of mine, containing what smelt like whiskey but looked like vodka, dear lord knows from how long ago. (I think I was imagining the whiskey smell because I miss it most).

My first urge of course was to swig it and lap up the last few drops of maybe year old alcoholic grossness but I quickly dumped it out. What a shameful object. I remember stashing it in my purse at work years ago when I was a hostess at a horrible lincoln center Italian restaurant. I remember downing it all in the bathroom stall and thinking "shit! that's it?" Granted it was a horrible place to work and I was required to wear heels and prance around for 8 hours. I was the only girl with the BALLS to drink at work. I remember so often having to wipe lipstick off the mouth of it. Carrying it around juuuust in case.

Thank you Urban Outfitters, for making this shameful object, thank you for making my alcoholism look sexy. It's all I ever wanted.


Along with wanting a dead pet for my new apt I've been having an overwhelming urge to get a tattoo lately. Or get some more ear piercings, or these shoes. Sideffect of sobriety?!? Is sober Kaija a little goth girl? Is this the real me? Is a previously drunken and submissive darker Kaija now sober and showing her sharp gnawing teeth? I CANT WAIT TO FIND OUT!


Getting ready to move so I've been real busy throwing things into boxes and then painting my nails all "abstract" to procrastinate. That means I just paint my nails all messy with all the colors I have. A little splatter and I've got mini Pollocks on my finger tips.

CONFESSION, I've given in twice now and smoked the drug cigarettes, and I'm still smoking my stupid American Spirits but not all that regularly.

I have however not had a single drink in eleven days which floors me. I really didn't think I could do this. I'm still curious to know what it would be like to reaaaally go with out any smoking at all, but right now I'm pretty happy with the huge lifestyle change I've made with the drinking. I am astonished every day I go without, and it really has been/is my most destructive distraction.

On another note I've been feeling a little gothic recently and am getting excited about decorating the new place in an assortment of dead things. I really want a fox head, but any good looking taxidermy wall mount will do. Lemme know if you find anything.