Friday, June 11, 2010
Made it through the night! No sleep drinking or smoking or sexing (that I know of). Woke up not groggy or filmy or hazy, put on a happy sunny Friday dress and bought a big refreshing iced coffee on the way to work...Crap.
Caffeine. Technically a drug. Right?
The Medical Dictionary Says:
1. a chemical substance that affects the processes of the mind or body.
2. any chemical compound used in the diagnosis, treatment, or prevention of disease or other abnormal condition.
3. a substance used recreationally for its effects on the central nervous system, such as a narcotic.
4. to administer a drug to.
So, yes. Now, I could potentially (and what I'm going to be looking for and you should let me know if I start sniffing nailpolish remover ) is if I start picking up other vices to replace the ones I've cut out. This would defeat the purpose of my attempted tortuous soul searching. But while I may be crazy I'm not clinical and I'm not set on cutting out everything that could be considered a "drug". Advil, chocolate, the show Glee. I'm content stripping off my big vices and keeping an eye on the other ones. So for now I can sip my iced coffee. If I start shooting it up we'll take it from there.
3:24pm: Just left work, amped up on diet coke YUCK. Reaaaaally want a cigarette I ALWAYS have one on the way to the subway. So I made up a song. Goes like
"This is my cigarette song
Yea yea yea cigarette song"
And it is sung compulsively and repeatedly. I feel like a flailing toddler having a temper tantrum who is pinned to the floor by her older sibling. Waah.
3:37pm: Still on the train. I don't really know why I'm depriving myself of cigarettes. I plan to smoke them again when this is over. I really love them. I don't think I smoke too many anyways, and I see myself forever quitting when I'm older. Why put myself through this pain more than once in my life huh? Masochism? huh? huh huh?
7:04pm: Home, napped, more sparkly lemonade. I would be drinking now...kind of not sure what to do...bleeeh