Some people climb mountains, some people ride bikes across countries, some people learn a new language in three months and then move to where they speak it. I'm not going to drink, smoke or have sex for 30 days.
I can't remember a time since I started drinking I went a week without alcohol. I made it six days about a month ago because I did something so heartbreaking and horrendous while drunk it scared me sober for a while...six days. (In my defense I was on a long family vacation and was understandably driven back to drinking by the high frequency shrieking that would not stop). I also can't remember the last time I went more than a week without smoking a cigarette. Not that I ever really tried too hard. It baffles me these things have become such a part of my existence. I can't remember what functioning without them was like. But I did! Once in the age before 18! I can't go a day without them now, unless I'm so hungover from the night before they make me sick. Oh and sex, where does that come in? Oh yes, filling holes. Sex can be so positive! But it can and is often used the same way drugs and alcohol are. To fill up those holes in your soul with cheap crumbly plaster.
So here I am. Determined to remind myself I am separate from these things. To let the plaster crumble and maybe find more reliable fixtures. And to have a little fun recording my potential hysterics in the coming month. My roommate thinks I'm crazy, my mom encourages me now but will probably put a drink in my hand at some point, and I've got like a billion suitors texting me all the time....seriously like a billion. What's up boyz? Don't be maddd..
אני אוהבת אותך... ;-)
ReplyDelete